Tuesday, February 23, 20102:04 AM
Everyday, I sit and try to mend that crack right there
Somedays, I succeed and managed to patch it up
But other days, my hand slips and the crack opens up again
Yet, no matter how hard I try to cover the crack,
it leaves a scar that cant be mend,
leaving behind a dull ache that echos from time to time.
Serves me right for actually behaving the way I did, for daring to have faith in the very matter that many people do not have, for actually hoping and dreaming. Climbed up the mountain of expectations and now I've come crashing back down off a cliff. Took a gamble and I lost.
Sunday, February 21, 20102:21 AM
It's always when night falls then do you start doubting in yourself.
When the silence bears down on you and the darkness engulfs your surroundings, a myterious signal seemed to be triggered into releasing all your insecurities. It's when you start becoming strangers with your self, foreign and unknown. Memories lingering in front of you, hovering there like a pesky housefly. They flash past you. You wince, you cringe but they do not disappear. You feel ashamed of yourself; you try to swat them away frantically; they flicker on stubbornly. The tear glands got down to work. You see memories of the past. Memories that you want to go back to desperately. Memories that you want to revive badly, ready to dive into them the moment they were ready. You jump off the diving board enticipating the the comforting embrace of the memories, just like how the water hugs you when you enter a dive. But you dont feel it. There you lie limply like a rag doll, on the icy surface in which you had thought was the surface of the water. You banged your fist hard on the surface, but nary a crack appeared. You realised with a jot that just like the water trapped underneath the layer of ice, some memories have also been locked up just like that. Beyond your reach. Beyond the point of return. You also discern that you can never go back to those times anymore. You were the one who laid down that unpenetrable block of thick, solid ice.
You comprehend. You understand what you should do. You try. The goodbye has still yet to be said. You know you should. You want to do it. But you cant, you just cant. It's difficult, and it's painful. And when you know that healed wounds may be ripped apart again soon, you just dont want to bring yourself to have to go through it again. The haunting fear of lonliness and feeling unwanted.
I think im having this very serious moodswings. Very serious moodswings indeed. I was feeling so happy this morning cos I went house visiting with the gang this morning and we played mj at my hse and i won a lot of the rounds so I was very happy. And then I went to Joshua Tan's house and I took over Hilmi for the very last round and got a damm nice winning combi of 咬到 + 1花 and I 花上自摸清一色 (alas NVR PLAY MONEY AGAIN. SO MUCH MONEY THAT COULD HAVE BEEN WON. SO MANY 台!!! 9 leh!!). i just typed this paragraph 1hr aft i wrote that whole chunk of emo momo stuff. Maybe tml would be a better day. Or maybe not.
Saturday, February 20, 20101:35 AM
Hasnt changed over the years. It was the same poster girl, same pose, same style since we started eating at the now defunct Long Beach@ Marina South when I was just a small litte kid and digital cameras didnt exist. that's why no comparison photos. HAHAHAHA.
Our room
obviously not me. hahaha.
Some of our dishes for the day. Obviously yummy. It's LONG BEACH leh. can u spell Y-U-M-M-Y S-E-A-F-O-O-D??
Den den's favourite pet of the day. So gross right, the underbelly of the lizard. hahahaha. there were so many outside our window and Iden kept on going to see them. Then my cousin was teaching him to hit on the glass to scare the lizard away and Iden went "no, no!"
showing off my new berry. HAHAHA.
Showing off the size of the crab. Long Beach ALWAYS have the biggest crabs!
See what I mean? Just the pincer itself is bigger than my face!
Can u spot the photo bomber? haha.
Den Den and his favourite 舅公. that's why smile till so happy la.
Iden's emo shot :O
On one of his many, many, many, many trips (at the same time dragging all the different 姑姑s and 叔叔s go)to see his "Crab crab fish fish"
See we have the same eys loh! Ignore my spastic finger. I was trying to get Iden to look into the camera hahahaha.
got him a ball ball cos he only has my cousin's sepak takraw ball to play with at my grandma's hse. and that ball is sooooo painful!
Of cos, Den Den's favourite 飞机!
PJs! Can you imagine Iden in this? must be soooooo cute!Thursday, February 18, 20102:05 PM
And check out my new berry! :D
